normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
