my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
