I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize