Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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