we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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