That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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