something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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