Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
