and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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