The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
