When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need a beard to bite.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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