Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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