hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
