can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
