If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize