i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
