I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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