I got chris browned last night
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
