Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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