I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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