A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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