Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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