I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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