i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
