Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
