I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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