I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
