i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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