This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
