I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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