I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
