Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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