names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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