You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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