Your face is a jimmy john
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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