I cannot find my penis.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
