You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
