Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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