did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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