i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
