Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
