Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize