Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
