You really coming over, don't trick.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
