OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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