i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
