I checked into jail on foursquare
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
