Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish you could order shots online.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
