Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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