that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want her autograph on my taint
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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