Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
