I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
