Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
