I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize