We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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