I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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