we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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