Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They took my balls.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
