"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
