next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
