I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
