sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
