:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize