You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
