did you get engaged???
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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