I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
