Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
