So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
