my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
