Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
